Diiago family link… family/relationship theme

Letting Go of My Father…

This story is about a son who comes to the realization that his father can no longer care for himself.His father is 80,and is having a lot of incidents,due to his age and the fact he has Parkinson’s disease.He is falling a lot,refuses to use a walker, and cant drive safely,nor really even dress himself anymore.The father is in denial about the fact that he needs help and the son doesn’t really know how bad it is until he sees his father.

When the son does see him, he knows right away he needs to get his father help.He is torn because his father says accepting help is a weakness.His thought about getting help are,if you don’t use it,you’ll lose it,meaning that he can still do things,so he refuses.The son was in denial,he knew the facts of how bad his father was doing,I think he just didn’t want to believe it.Now seeing how things really are,he has no choice.He keeps trying to get his father into an assisted living home,so he can get the care he needs,but his father says that will kill him.The son lets him have his way and constantly checks on him and notices that his fathers health is rapidly declining,and he really cant take care of himself.The sons vivid descriptions of what he sees at his fathers house are very detailed.The feces all over and the urine,and also the ice cream left out and melted all over and the general disaster of his home.

I can see the picture clearly of what is being described.The downward spiral of the sons life,while he is putting his all into helping his dad.He took on more than he could handle not realizing how it was going to affect his own well being.At this point he is extremely overwhelmed to the point of losing his career and sanity.He has conversations with his father and explains that this can’t continue and he needs assisted living.The father moved into assisted living and realized it wasn’t so bad,he still had some independence.He lived there for a while and as his health declined even more his last words to his son before he passed away were,”Go on with your life rather than hover over me.”

I can relate to this story,I have a grandmother in her 80’s.She has similar thoughts like this man and also refuses to leave her house.She has her way of doing things and her way of thinking.I help and assist her,even though she doesn’t ask me.I know one day she will need assisted living herself.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/04/letting-go-of-my-father/8001/?single_page=true  (Jonathan Rauch,work cited)